You’re Not Just Imagining It: Emotional Hurt Can Manifest as Pain
If you’ve been dealing with headaches, back tension, or other ongoing aches that don’t seem to have a clear medical explanation, you’re not alone. Many men I meet in Nanaimo come in feeling frustrated or even dismissed after years of chasing solutions. What they often don’t realize is that their body might be expressing what their mind has been holding in — unspoken grief, unrelenting stress, or suppressed anger. It’s not “all in your head” — it’s how your nervous system and body work together.
A Local Perspective: Why This Matters for Men in Nanaimo
As a counsellor working here in Nanaimo, I’ve seen how high-pressure jobs, financial stress, and family responsibilities can pile up without a healthy outlet. For many men, talking about emotions isn’t something they were taught — so their bodies often speak for them.
What’s Really Going On in Your Body
Your brain doesn’t separate emotional and physical pain as neatly as you might think. The same neural circuits that process a stubbed toe also light up when you experience rejection, grief, or shame.
When you carry unprocessed emotional pain, your body can stay in a heightened state of stress. Over time, that can disrupt your immune system, fuel inflammation, and make you more sensitive to pain signals.
This isn’t about blame — it’s about understanding that your pain is real, and emotional stress might be part of the puzzle.
Expert Insight: Why Suppressing Stress Can Make You Sick – Gabor Maté Explains
In this short excerpt from an interview on When the Body Says No, Dr. Gabor Maté draws a powerful link between emotional suppression and physical illness.
He explains how chronic, unacknowledged stress can disrupt your immune system, fuel inflammation, and contribute to chronic pain. You’ll also hear how the habit of “being nice” — avoiding conflict, putting others first, never expressing anger — can quietly take a toll on your health.
Quick Self-Check: Where Does Your Body Show Emotional Distress?
Take a moment to scan your body:
- Which muscles are always tense?
- When did that tension first appear?
- What was happening in your life at the time?
- Which emotions did you avoid expressing?
This simple exercise can reveal whether your pain might have emotional roots worth exploring.
What Actually Helps — Beyond Medication
When pain has an emotional component, treating only the body can feel like chasing symptoms. While medical care is important, many men find deeper relief when they address both the physical and emotional layers together.
Here are a few ways to start:
Somatic awareness — Learning to notice where emotions live in your body without trying to immediately “fix” them can help reduce tension and pain over time.
Stress release practices — Gentle movement like walking, stretching, yoga, or breathwork can signal to your nervous system that you’re safe.
Emotional expression — Talking through unspoken feelings, journaling, or creative outlets can keep emotions from getting “stuck” in the body.
Counselling support — In sessions, we explore what your pain might be trying to tell you, working at your pace, without judgment or pressure.
This isn’t about deciding your pain is “all mental” — it’s about adding new tools that can make a real difference in how you feel.
How We’ll Work Together at Lantera Counselling
In our work together, we’ll explore the possibility that your chronic pain is not just a medical issue, but also a messenger. I’ll help you identify patterns like overcommitment, emotional suppression, or unacknowledged stress — and we’ll use approaches like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Internal Family Systems, AEDP, and somatic awareness to address them.
You set the pace. You choose what you’re ready to explore. And if talking about feelings is new for you, that’s okay — we’ll start wherever you’re comfortable.
You can begin with a free 15-minute consultation to see if this feels like a good fit. There’s no commitment — just a chance to talk.
Common Questions (FAQ)
Does this mean my pain is “all in my head”?
Absolutely not. Your pain is real. Emotional stress can change the way your nervous system processes pain — which means addressing emotions can be part of real, physical relief.
How long until I feel a difference?
It varies. Some men notice changes in a few sessions; for others it’s gradual. The goal isn’t a quick fix, but lasting change.
What if I’ve never had a big trauma?
Chronic stress, subtle emotional neglect, or years of suppressing feelings can still impact your body. You don’t need a dramatic event for this connection to be relevant.
Will this replace my medical care?
No — this is a complement, not a substitute. You can continue seeing your doctor while we explore the emotional side.
Imagine Living Without That Hidden Weight
Picture waking up without that same dull ache, or being able to enjoy a walk along the Nanaimo waterfront without your back tightening up. When emotional pain no longer drives your physical tension, your body feels lighter — and so does your life.
Ready to Talk? Start with a Free 15-Minute Consult.
If you’re ready to explore whether emotional pain might be contributing to your chronic physical pain, let’s talk.
I offer counselling in-person from my Nanaimo office and online for clients across BC, including Parksville, Ladysmith, and Victoria.
- Resources for Chronic Pain
- Here are a few resources you may find helpful if you’re looking to understand Chronic Pain
Explore realted:
Counselling for Depression & Emotional Numbness in Nanaimo
Understand the connection between long-term anxiety, burnout, and emotional fatigue.
Explore related:
Counselling for Burnout in Nanaimo
Learn how therapy can help you reset, set boundaries, and restore balance when work stress feels overwhelming.
Book recommendation:
When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress by Gabor Maté
Explores how suppressed emotions and chronic stress affect both body and mind, offering insights into healthier ways of coping.